


All the roads lead to home

by orphan_account



Series: The Two Crowns : B Side [18]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ASoIaF, Akihiko - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 22:37:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5603512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asahi fled as soon as the moon was high in the sky. He left Sunspear with barely any backward glance, but full of guilt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the roads lead to home

**Author's Note:**

> A work following Asahi's reappearance in ch.4 of The Two Crowns.

_ “Are you dying, Papa?” Akihiko whispers, afraid that his words might have brought forth a reality he was not ready to see, and Asahi weeps harder, breath burning his throat and his heart seemingly shrinking in his chest until he felt like the Stranger was holding it between his icy hands. _

 

_ “I am not” he answers between sobs, between ragged breath and a tight hand around his son’s hair, but Asahi knows they both could see through it. He feels Akihiko’s hands prob at his chest, checking for wounds as Asahi himself had done back then, on a bloody sand and he thought that he would deserve the same wounds, the same long and painful death as he stared at the battered and bloodied bodies littering the soft golden sand. _

_ “I am not” he repeats words harder and easier both and he cannot think to say anything else as Akihiko calls his name again “I swear.” _

 

_ Yet, he is here to breathe in the scent of summer and oil on Akihiko’s skin, trying to think of home, of safety, of anything else but the guilt and the fear freezing his body. And it was not until he felt the softer hands of Kiyoko on his skin, the shushed words of love that Asahi finally broke, from deep within.  _

 

_ He was home. Despite his guilt, despite all of his senses telling him, screaming at him to run away some more, to leave and never return; but Asahi knew he would never be able to do so, not entirely. _

 

\---

  
  


Returning to Sunspear with the few soldiers left felt like lasting an eternity. He could not look at them in the eyes, grabbing the reins of his horse so tightly the hot leather began to burn through his skin, to tear wounds apart but Asahi only begged for this, to focus on this pain for all of his damning thoughts could be kept at bay. There was no surer claim to victory, but the price of loss had been too high this time, and Asahi was not convinced he could face Daichi with such tremors, with the heaviness pressing against his ribs until he found it too difficult to breathe, unable to even look at the white stones of the Palace. He was weak in front of his prince as he talks about the losses, about victory and its price and each of the words presses harder, heavier against his heart until he can say no more. 

 

So he fled. Quicker than he had marched into battle, bloodied hands trembling over reins as he urged the horse faster and faster still. He had fled like a coward, waiting until the dead of night, waiting until Daichi had left him alone, a sure and warm hand on his shoulder and a soft smile that nearly had reduced him in tears before he turned away from Asahi, a joyful cheer of “to next morn” Asahi could not bear to hear. . 

So he had fled. 

 

Asahi knows he won’t be searched for yet. He knows he is free to roam the sand of Dorne without the guard looking for him, and he prays any god for this small favor. Sunspear and its prince were used to him being away for long periods of time, capable hands and mind replacing him until he opens the doors again and Daichi welcomes him into the court one more time. Again and again. Yet, there was no easiness in it, and Asahi still feels the urge, the need to come back this instant, not to abandon his Prince one more time. Not to disappoint anyone who looked up to him.   
  


He knows he has already failed this, without even trying to prevent it. That if Asahi was always glad to see Sunspear again, to see the familiar halls, the familiar scent of hot spices and waving sea; he also realizes that now, more than ever, he does not want to come back.    
  


He dreams of battlefield, curled around blankets and grip firm around the hilt of his broadsword, smelling the blood and hearing the cries of his men, the louder ones of the iron men; tainting the air and the sand with blood and anguish, the Stranger and their Drowned God coming to take care of the dead and snatch away the still living. He dreams, until he wakes breathing hard, his horse shuffling, anxious near to him. He dreams, until he is left staring at his scarring hands, tears in his eyes troubling his vision until the desert was a sea and the night his worst nightmare. Drowning in his thoughts, his wishes and his dreams. 

 

So he wanders, lost and erring until he himself believes every whisper about a ghost, and none are about the shameful Captain of the guard. It becomes his freedom and his cage both, never settling in, crossing cities and small villages he already knows by heart, hiding against goblets of wine and water, under the coins he happily give to tenders and stable boys, never caring about giving too much. 

He wanders, until the whispers stop, until weeks have passed and Asahi still does not think of home, even after the dreams have muted to nothingness and the deserts have lost their appeal to his wounded heart.

 

_ There is no home _ , he thinks. Not now, not when all the dead crawl against his skin and Asahi still does not trust himself to unsheathe his sword at every sound, the haunting faces of the irons watching over him and Asahi often hears them laugh through the howling wind and the hot, burning sun. 

  
  
  
  
  


It takes weeks again for him to remember, to open his soul again to the thought of it. Yet, Asahi still hesitates. Kingsgrave, he imagines not to have changed, utterly still and withstanding everything thrown at it and the House presiding over it. He knows he is welcomed there, even more than at Sunspear; but he fears. He fears his scars are too deep, too ugly for them to bear; he fears the look in their eyes, the same shame he is sure to see in his own eyes, and above everything, it is what he will not be able to stand. 

 

But his steps and the slow pace of his horse brings him there. Carefully avoiding Yronwood and any other stronghold, his face carefully hidden, all of his movements controlled until his muscles hurt, protesting the tautness of his posture.

Kingsgrave stands proud in front of him and Asahi has never thought the name to be so fitting before, but the sight of it does not bring him grace yet. 

He leaves his horse by a small inn, and hides in the depth of the building, the smallest room, and no candle lit in the night as he thinks, as he fears and fight against it both. 

 

He could still flee, and Asahi knows it. It would be so easy, to wander the roads again, to forget himself and everything else but for the thrist and hunger, to be left to the mercy of the gods, to wait for them to tire with him and put a stop to his endless journey. It would be so easy, yet he still cries thinking about it, he still drinks the thought away until his heart is pounding too hard in his head and he cannot focus on anything anymore, sleeping the sleep of the restless. 

It takes days for him to decide. Enough for the tenders to give him a name, to call him Sand as any bastard is called as they serve him gladfully and Asahi keeps his silence, as he always does. 

 

But one day, he rises, his steps faltering a few times as he leaves with a kind word, muttered under his breath but he watches them wave away playfully. He rises, and walks until he reaches Kingsgrave’s castle. He knows the halls well enough not to be seen, not to be heard and those who recognizes him only look away, nodding at his presence ever so carefully.

 

Asahi walks like a shadow yet he find will in his steps, willpower he had thought lost forever, and the last steps are almost a run as hears his voice.

Sunspear may be where he thinks of home but he knows Kingsgrave will always be more than this, a shelter in the storm and the caress of the wind both. 

  
  


He sees him first, laughing out loud as he plays with a  small toy, telling stories of sand snakes and fierce warriors to anyone listening and it is only the sound of his steps stopping to a drop that makes the boy look up to him and Asahi sees it then. Joy, pride and surprise written all over the small face and Asahi feels his breath leave him, feels heavy sobs coming down his throat until he chokes as he kneels to hug the running boy.

 

“Papa!” he shouts and Asahi laughs, brokenly as his son hugs him tight, short hands grabbing at his hair and shoulders as he shakes with bubbling laughter and joy and Asahi wants to bury himself in it until he too can feel it again with the same fervency.. 

 

“I’m here, Akihiko.” he answers softly, trying not to break, not to cry, not now; but his words are strangled as he breathes hard and ragged, trying to hold on to strength just for a while more.    
But Akihiko always brought up everything with a rawness Asahi usually embraces. 

 

“Are you dying, Papa?” the boy says, scared and everything Asahi was trying to hide, to contain broke loose.  

 

 

And Asahi rises again, slowly, as Kiyoko’s thread her fingers in his hair and against his skin so softly and Asahi realizes he has not heard her speak yet, even as Akihiko clings to Asahi  as if still afraid his father would die as soon as he was not holding on to him. he turns towards her, watching her face in delight and her features brings him peace despite the black of her dress and the kohl on her eyes usually frightening to others. 

 

“You’re home, welcome back.” she says against his cheek, and Asahi knows he had longed to hear her voice for so long, her voice already soothing small wounds like a fine balm to his scars. He turns even more in her embrace, his hands on Akihiko slightly trembling but he holds on, just a little more.

  
He cannot find his voice to answer her words, his throat raw and burning from crying and his mind too tired, eased by their presence against him, strong and unfaltering and it is truly what Asahi had needed, and still so desperately needs. He let them guide him to the solar, away from prying eyes and ears as Kiyoko murmurs to a guard not to tell anyone of Asahi’s presence on her lands.

 

They do not speak more, and Asahi is grateful for it, grateful to hold their hands a bit too tightly, like a drowning man as Akihiko begins his story again, his excitement tone down but his words sure, as Kiyoko watches over them with her ever present soft smile. 

  
It is home indeed, and Asahi drifts off to sleep easily, Akihiko’s words like a lullaby in his ears and Kiyoko whispers for him to rest, to sleep even if for a little time, enough not to look like he Stranger will take him anytime soon. “We are here” she says, and Asahi closes his eyes.   
Asahi feels her kiss him as he finally falls asleep, her lips soft against his despite the heaviness of it. It feels right, at this moment, to be in this place and want for nothing else.

 

Maybe it can be better, Asahi thinks, maybe. And for a few hours, he does not dream. 

 

Neither Kiyoko nor Akihiko ask questions and Asahi silently thank them every day for such small favour. It makes his stay easier, and Akihiko’s antics relieve the pain in his chest, and he can forget. He forgets the sight of corpses, he forgets the blood on his hand and how everything screams at him during the night. He had always thought of his son like a sun, sometimes even brighter than Daichi and Chikara; always who held him up during dark times. And then, once again, Asahi smiles again in his presence.

 

The days in Kingsgrave are hot and lazy, and he knows no soul would betray his presence here, not when Kiyoko herself had seen to it and Asahi soon forgets and stops fearing Daichi to come at the gates asking for answer, with his men screaming about his cowardice. He begins to ease himself to the routine of peaceful days, of wandering known places and seeing refuge in the halls, never speaking, never running away.

 

Yet even if the pain never truly goes away and restlessness crawls again his skin, turn his guts upside down every time silence is too heavy for him to bear, Asahi never refuses the attention of his son. He welcomes every jokes he knows Akihiko had thought about for a long time, he welcomes all the stories coming deep from the boy’s imagination - “Dragons Papa, you probably have fought them too!” he says and Asahi would nod solemnly, “A big, black one in the land near Godsgrace” and Akihiko squeals with delight.

 

He shares his burden with Kiyoko instead, her sure weight on his hip as he cries, her grip strong around his forearms when he wakes and Asahi thinks about running away from them, about returning to Sunspear in a panic. She bears the gold necklace of a skull with pride against her bosoms and Asahi prays for her attention, like he would a god’s.

  
  
  


 

 

“Papa is sad.” Akihiko says, mumbling the words as his father does so often yet Kiyoko looks quickly at him; noticing the heavy furrowed brow and the downturn of her son’s mouth as he focuses less and less on his letters.. 

 

“Is he?” she answers softly, pausing in her task as she looks at Akihiko. She knows Asahi had hoped he would not notice, that his laughter, if true, was too loud whenever Akihiko made a joke or sparred with him with wooden swords. She knows his pain and sadness, hidden sobs against her breasts at night even as he reverently kisses her and her neck; and how he looks away so often, lost in his thoughts lost until even she did not recognize him.    
She too, had hoped the boy would not notice.

 

“I saw him cry, alone in the solar.” Akihiko adds, oblivious to his mother’s thoughts. “I thought he was happy, here with us. Papa laughs at my jokes and my stories, as he had always done, but he cries too, and I know he did not want to see me then. It has been weeks, yet Papa cries still. Have the wounds not close yet?” 

Kiyoko heart breaks to see her son so close to tears at the thought and she moves to kneel by him, her jeweled hands against his knees but her eyes chasing his sight.

 

“He misses Sunspear” she tells him softly, thumb caressing through the linen breeches “your Papa misses his men and our princes, and so many other things even happiness here cannot last.” she sees him nod fervently, coming to grab her hands as she talks. 

 

“Papa should go home then, if he misses everyone so much. We can wait!” he exclaims, as if having found the easiest yet perfect solution “I am sure prince Daichi will let papa come more often if he desires to.He is a good prince after all.”

 

Kiyoko sighs, smiling at Akihiko’s words as she kisses his brow, wishing it was all this simple for a man like Asahi, but she knows how hard such a decision will be on the man. She remembers years before, how he had mulled over being Captain of the guard, how he had loved her enough to consider refusing such offer, despite loving their prince just as much, how they had made vows during the night and Kiyoko had let him go, with answering smile on her lips as Asahi had kissed her and said words of love to her. .

 

“Yet he cares too much about us to leave us, dear one.” she says simply, her kiss is heavy against his forehead and Akihiko shrieks ever so little. 

 

Asahi always had cared so much, too much for the dry and harsh land of dorne yet strong enough to cause uprisings if he wanted to, leading them into victorious battles more often than not. But still, he cared, as fragile as the morn sun, fingers and words trembling when he lays with Kiyoko, and she feels how he kisses her and thrusts against her as if she would leave at his first mistake.

 

She knows Asahi will not leave, not yet, not until he was strong enough to face Daichi, and even Kingsgrave is not enough to ready him so. That Asahi needs to be a ghost again, to remember who he is, before the father and the Captain, and Kiyoko never tires to remind him of it. 

She has the sight of their, muttering against his breath about his father and how to show him what to do to remind her of it. To remind her of the strength Asahi possesses but so easily forgets.

  
  


  
  


“He said that he is proud of me.” Asahi says quietly in the silence of the room later that day and Kiyoko’s hand stop caressing his naked hip. She watches him, silently, as he mulls over the words and she notices all the shift in expressions on his face, barely hidden by his hair. The surprise, the wonder and the sadness birthed to life on his features and she watches them all with rapt attention. 

 

He feels her nails against his skin as he tries to speak again and the weight of her fingers, harsh and sure, grounds him as much as the sensation of her body against his.. 

“Despite everything, Akihiko is proud of me.” he repeats, as if not quite yet believing it. 

 

His son had come, out of the blue as Asahi was sitting outside, bathing in the warmth of the sun and fingers fiddling with the leather of his belt. And he had watched him, tall and proud despite his young age as he stared at Asahi before hugging him tight and saying the very words. Loud and cheerful but Asahi had felt the seriousness of it all before the boy was gone again, scurrying after his septa with not even a look to Asahi. 

 

“Of course he is.” Kiyoko answers, her words as sure as their son’s and Asahi moves to look at her. “You are his father and Akihiko had always looked at you and thought of you with so much love and pride even I should be envious of it.” she adds the words in a small snickers as Asahi tries to apologize about it already, but she shushes any complaints by pressing herself even closer to him. “It does not matter how you feel if you still stand for him. It does not matter if you are far away from us, Akihiko will forever be proud of you. Even if he knows your sadness yet cannot understand it.”

 

Asahi looks away, hiding his face from Kiyoko’s sight as he sighs heavily. 

 

“You can have, and deserve happiness, no matter where it is, love.” Kiyoko says more firmly and Asahi shakes minutely in hers arms. Her tone may be harsh but he feels the warmth and love of them and Asahi would never have it any different. “I, we know of your duty to Daichi, of your undying devotion to him and Dorne, and we will never shackle you to us. Knowing that you understand, that you remember your home here with us, that you could have my name if battles and the thought of war tire your soul too much is enough for me and Akihiko. We would never pretend to more than what you can give us.”

 

“You are my family - “ Asahi begins yet Kiyoko kisses his shoulder, nibbling at skin to make him stop.

 

“We are. We never doubt it. So return to him, return to our Prince when you are ready, and recover your happiness.” 

 

Asahi turns against her then, kissing her deeply as he shakes because of her words, loving the way her hands tighten in his hair even more. She opens her legs for him to settle in between again and it feels even more right to feel the warmth of her body, of her groin against him. 

This day may never come, he thinks, for he feels Sunspear to be miles away, a distance he is not yet ready to cross even when his being sings with longing and all he can think about is the city and the court. 

 

“You are our family, as we are yours.” she repeats fervently as Asahi hides against her neck, pressed tight against her with the strength of her thighs. “You give us everything we need and desire, and never do we doubt your love. Not when you crosses the lands until it holds no secret for you”

 

He listens to her words as he touches her breasts, caressing the plump skin until Kiyoko shivers and he words stop, her heels digging against his back until he was pressed against her sex more firmly, her sighing against his head as he bends to suck on one breast.    
Asahi says nothing, unsure of his words, unsure of what he gives them aside from his love and the never ending thoughts he has of them. So he kisses Kiyoko’s body instead, feeling her tense and relax against his mouth like the movements of a beating heart and it lulls him away from preoccupations and any other worry. He thinks of nothing else but the taste of her skin, the coldness of her jewelry against his mouth as he kisses her ribs, her taut stomach and her hipbones; the smoothness of her body and the scent of her sex until he wants to taste her and make her blush in pleasure. 

  
  


“Give me another child” she whispers as he is mouthing her inner thigh and she feels her quiver under his touch with nerves and confidence both. He looks at her quickly, Asahi quite not believing her words. “Give me a son or a daughter, Asahi.” she repeats, propping herself up on her elbows, watching him with a furrowed brow and her mouth open as she breathes shallowly, waiting. 

 

He hears Kiyoko laugh as he pauses against her skin, mumbling silent words, unsure of what to do or what to say, surprised and nervous about this change, about the suddenness  of her demand.

 

“Not now,” she amends softly, bucking her hips against his mouth as Asahi stays still “but give me a child. Give me yourself one more time and bring happiness to our family once again. When all is better.” and Asahi realizes that they both know it may never come.   
  
They both know danger already is coiling up in the capital, weariness in the cold North and they know Dorne itself can prove to be dangerous with the hot-bloodedness of the dornish, because of the temperament of its people. The kingdom's’ peace is fickle, and he knows Kiyoko fears for anything to happen to her family, fears for Kingsgrave to wage war and her being in the middle, guiding Daichi’s troops to whatever conflict their prince wants resolved.

 

“When all is better” he swear against her skin against her sex as Kiyoko breathes out heavily, her body already relaxing in his touch. “when all is better and hope is to us both, I will give you everything you desire, Kiyoko.”

They are his family, and he would give anything for them.

  
  


 

 

Neither of them speak about it while Asahi is in Kingsgrave. The tears have stopped and Akihiko sees that his father’s smiles are true, that his happiness is no more feigned as he walks the halls once again, Kiyoko smiling softly whenever she is with them and Akihiko feels that all is getting bigger. 

  
  
  


Asahi leaves after a few more days in Kingsgrave. He feels the calling for freedom again, for roaming the lands until the questions he has are answered as easily as they came. There is no one to stop him, and he still feels the warmth of Kiyoko and Akihiko’s lips on his face as goodbyes. 

 

He knows his steps will not lead him home, not yet. There this need to hide, to travel from places to places as if the wind itself was holding his soul, and Asahi thrived for it. But nightmares never chase him in his sleep, and Asahi rests soundly, even if he shivers with anticipation, waiting for the time to come home. Weeks, months pass as he travels to all shores and Asahi thinks it is enough, that he should cross paths with Sunspear again, to breathe in the life there or he fears he would forget himself over and over again.   
  
Yet even in the bright dornish capital, he hides, breathing in the scents he knows too well, keeping himself small and unnoticed in the shadows of the city, hunched over, hiding his face with beard and hair both until he was no one else but a weary traveler, or anything else tenders and patrons thought him to be. It was not the time yet, so he observed. He observed people talking about the banished prince in the lands and the pupils of the prince with hair as bright as the setting sun, seeing the strange boy with his own eyes and watching him steal all the attention for himself.   
  
The shadows still feel nice around him, but Asahi thinks these days will soon be over. So he cradles the necklace on his neck, the horse and sword of bright gold in prayer to be strong enough for it all. 

 

When all is better, Kiyoko had said to him weeks ago. And maybe the time has finally come. To go home and finally be proud again. And for once, it thought it easier to turn around when he heard his name being called by familiar voices. 


End file.
